31 March 2012

Where do I Go? (Bit of a Pity Party)

Hello ladies,
I'm afraid this post isn't a happy one packed with make-up and goodies. The truth is, I'm feeling rather lost at the moment. Things just don't feel right.
For years as I was growing up I wanted to be a theatrical make-up artist. More than anything I wanted to work with make-up and beauty but back then I was too young to do anything about it as I was still at school and studying full time. When I got old enough to be able to make my own choices regarding school and work and what I wanted to study I was suffering a lot with depression and just hid away from it all. As a result I only gained 9 GCSE's and just one A-level. All with high grades granted, but I was set to achieve so much more so naturally I was devastated.
My way to cope with everything has always been to write lists. Plan my way through everything and de-clutter spaces to find peace in the order of things I can control.
This is partly why I decided in the first place that event and wedding planning were careers I would enjoy and thrive in, and on top of that, the work I would be doing would bring so much happiness to other people.
Only, now I'm not so sure.
As I've picked myself back up out of the depression I have been looking after myself again, getting back into enjoying make-up, taking care of my skin and washing my hair with indulgent lotions and potions. I've found myself excited to get up in the morning and "putting my face on" and every night without fail I sit down and remove it before cleansing my face and applying night cream and eye cream. I read around 30-40 different beauty blogs and I love every minute of doing so. I want to be part of that community again because it feels like where I really belong.
Whilst depressed I was a very different person. I spent a lot of time wanting to be a domestic, stay at home woman who spent her time baking and crafting beautiful things, largely so that I could hide away and not come face to face with too many people. I could work at home, in my own little space and not worry about life interrupting me. But now I see that that isn't who I am at all.
I am still that bubbly, confident person who dreams of working with make-up and beauty. Theatrical make-up is no longer my main interest, but I still deep down want to be a make-up artist. That is where my passion lies.
But now I worry that I have left things too late. I have spent a lot of my time and money training to become an event and wedding planner, which don't get me wrong, I am enjoying, but it means I no longer have the financial support to pursue what I now realise, I always wanted, even when I couldn't see it.
This is why I feel lost. I feel like I have let myself down by feeling this way about my choices, I feel like I've ruined the chance I could have had at doing what I really want to do, and I'm not really sure where to go next. Do I forget about my dream and leave behind the thought of working with make-up? Do I save up and sign up to a professional make-up course? Do I go ahead and set up the wedding planning business like I was aiming to? Its a hard call.

This however, is the reason that my blog has taken a different turn lately. As I have been re-discovering myself and my deep rooted interests, Three Little Buhos has been focusing a lot more on beauty and fashion, and I'm happy about that, it gives me a great outlet for all of my beauty related ramblings. Its a happy retreat at the end of a long day. But it does mean that my posts and features have evolved a little. So I am sorry if you are disappointed to see the old style Three Little Buhos go but at the end of the day, we all need to write about what we truly love. With me that is make-up, beauty, fashion, Lolly the Grumpy Kitty and weddings...although more wedding style than wedding planning.

Sorry this have been such a long and wordy post but believe me, I feel soooo much better for letting it all out. What do you think I should do? I love all of you sweet people who read and comment on my blog and your opinion really does matter to me so any advice is gratefully received.

Just to cheer things up a bit, here is an adorable picture of Florence, my little roborovski hamster, a constant source of happiness.
Annie x


  1. Annie, you must follow your dreams even if it takes a longer route. I know the feeling of depression extremely well - I too suffer from it and know when it grabs you just want to curl up into your own safe little haven. It seems you are recovering again and have that fighting spirit back. I don't know how old you are ? but you look and sound young, so there is still time. My eldest daughter went to University, studied and got a degree. She now lives in Canada with her husband and 3 months ago gave up a well paid job to do something she, and I love. She is now a riding instructor and works at a stable outside Calgary, Canada. Money is minimal, but her happiness is 100%. I would have loved to do what she is doing now, but I always held back, thinking I could not do this, or do that and now almost 60 it is too late for me. So go out there girl and at least give it a go and you will not in 40 years time regret you didn't try. xx

    1. Thank you for the lovely comment Chrissy. You're right. I need to follow my dreams. Depression is a horrible illness but by not going ahead and doing what I want to do, I'm letting it win. xx